once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
