Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
