your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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