I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize