If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
