My friends, they love my intelligence
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
