Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
