Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
