Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
