I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
