I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
