I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think your dad took our porno
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
