You're completely useless in the revolution.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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