I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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