Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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