Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
