apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
