So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
