I'm jealous of your bromance
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
