Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
