as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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