There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
