Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
