I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
