I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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