And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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