Where is the hickey?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Success! We fucked roommates!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
