I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
