Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
