No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
