these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
