I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
