I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
