how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
