Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
