Kiss
Puke
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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