I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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