Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
