I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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