somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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