so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is my gift to your gina
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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