so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
