We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
