it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
