Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Still dying that you shit outside
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
