so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
