So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
