Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
