I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
