Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
