The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
