i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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