Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
