i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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