Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
