i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
