well you can't waste a boner
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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