I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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