Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
