It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
