the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
