Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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