hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
