His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
