I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
