We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
