I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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