And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sponge bath it is.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
