He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
